Tales from the Mischief presents
Touch Grass
This is an emergency broadcast. At approximately four o’clock, a member of this mischief went Outside. Voluntarily. We have alerted everyone who matters, which is us.
I DID IT. I touched the grass. The humans said it would fix me and I have never felt more fixed. Grass. We touched it.
Now. Between us. I can get you Outside. Small fee. One cracker, no questions.You want a CRACKER? To send me where the ceiling is MISSING?
I have looked at the sky. Shoddy. No corners, no edges, no way to get behind it. Whoever built that was not a professional.
Everybody is having a WONDERFUL time. Please ignore the wind. The wind is a feature. We are all extremely well.
Grass. We touched it. It touched back. How upsetting. For the grass, I mean.
Here is what nobody tells you about the wellness. You do not have to go Outside. You simply have to be SEEN leaving. The door is enough. The door has always been enough.
Fourteen minutes. We lasted fourteen minutes. I have seen better organised weather.Fourteen GLORIOUS minutes. We are calling it a season. Thank you, no photographs.
The mischief has completed its wellness. Grass. We touched it. It touched back. We are pressing charges.Tales from the Mischief. A new sketch on Sundays. Outside has been reviewed. Two stars.
Roof rats are natural climbers that spend much of their time above ground, so a high perch suits them better than open floor does.[1]